Confession
by Dwight4Studly
Summary: Sirius wonders when he’ll ever tell Remus what has bothered him for the past twenty years. Set in Grimmauld Place; just another way they got together.


Title: Confession

Author: Dwight4Studly

Rated: PG13

Summery: Sirius wonders when he'll ever tell Remus what has bothered him for the past twenty years. Set in Grimmauld Place; just another way they got together.

Disclaimer: You should know most of this by now, people.

A/N: I wrote this thinking of my own unrequited love. I wonder if I'll ever get over it ... Please review, it would mean so much to me. Even if it's a measly little, "Wow, that was cute!" I'll just about accept anything now. I hope you enjoy it all the same.

I lay on the cold dirty attic floor of my parent's hideous house, contemplating my soul. Starring at the cracked ancient ceiling, I sort through my freshly returned memories and feelings. I had never understood how important and precious they were to me until I nearly lost them in prison.

I think back to James and his undying friendship. I would give anything to let him know how much I appreciated and loved him. He was my brother of the heart; he was like nothing else to me. I dwell on the thought of my best mate. Then my memories turn to Remus who, at this very moment, was working down in the den.

There have been so many days that I can't count them anymore since I realized ... that I ...

I keep thinking back to the time we all sat around the lake that beautiful autumn day during our sixth year. The soft sunlight shone through his golden hair, gently ruffled in the fresh warm air... his lips were full and red as he chewed on them, reading his book with utmost concentration. His amber eyes glistened with anticipating and excitement and I remember how I wished that I could be the center of his happiness.

I understood my feelings then and it was so hard to even sit next to him. I was so afraid that he could hear my heartbeat next to him. I was afraid that he would notice me watching him constantly and the way I held him during transformation nights. I anticipated full moons. It was the only time I could hold him close to me. I pretended that he felt safe in my arms, that I could protect him from everything ... from the wizarding community, from Voldemort, from the world, from the wolf ...

No, my Moony is so strong. He has been protecting himself for all these years now. I shudder to think how it must have been like for him while I was in Azkaban. The wolf must have been horrendous then. I think about all the fresh new scars that must litter his body. The wolf has been mourning his pack mates, even after all these years, frustrated, his blood lust stronger than ever. He had thought that he had lost everything ... but I'm here now and I ... I love him.

There is a soft knock at the door. I sit up swiftly, opening my mouth to speak, but he has already walked in. He has changed so much from when we were young. Dusty summer light that shines through the thick hazy window illuminated the silver in his hair and pale skin ... he looks so tired. His thin figure leans against the doorframe, looking at me in his sophisticated manner. His lips curl into a small smile as he observes me sitting there, frozen in my sitting position.

"Having fun? ..." he asks warmly, walking over to sit beside me. He is so close that I can feel the soft worn fabric of his tattered robe brush against my arm. I shrug, looking down in my lap. This is the perfect moment to tell him. So why can't I just say it? Would he be appalled? Or maybe, possibly, he would feel the same way? I desperately want to know, but I can't pull myself to say the words.

He looks at me puzzled. "What are you thinking about so hard? You look so depressed ... Er ... Want to talk about it?" he questions, looking concerned. 'I was thinking about how much I want to ...' I can't even say it in the own deep recesses of my own mind, I'm afraid he could hear the softly uttered words.

"Fine, if you won't talk, than I will ..." he says, leaning back a bit, starring at the splintered ceiling as I had just done a few moments ago. I look up at him slowly and watched as he searches for something in his mind. I love the soft yet intense look on his face as he concentrates on his thoughts. Slight amusement graces his features and he closes his eyes.

His voice is hoarse, "Do you remember the lunar eclipse in our seventh year...?"

How could I forget? James had detention and Peter was sick in the infirmary (a Slytherin had hexed him and he was sick for a week). Remus had painfully transformed, as usual, and as he began to transform, agonizing and slow, back into human form shortly after I had ran to him without thinking and held him until his violent shakings had ceased. He had buried his head into my shoulder until his breath slowed and trembling blood covered body relaxed. He had clung to me so tightly. I had never wanted him to love me as a badly as I did at that moment. After the moon began to appear again he transformed, only to return, yet again, hours later to his human form where he fell asleep in my arms as I comforted him to a soft lull before Madam Pomphry came to retrieve him.

I avert my eyes from his and cleared my throat to answer yes.

"For the past few years I haven't been able to stop thinking about it," I can feel his eyes on me and his voice softens to a whisper, "... I've never felt as safe before in my entire life before that night..."

The words hit me so hard I almost fall over. I look up quickly to him and our eyes meet. I see understanding. I can also see ... He looks away from me, hiding his emotions. This is so frustrating! That is it! Today is the day. It took me twenty years but I'm going to tell him now. My heart has been slowly dying every single day I haven't told him.

When the breath returns to my lungs, I ask as confidently as possible, " ... What are you implying Remus?"

He sighs, fists tightening for a moment before he turns his blazing eyes back to me. He reaches out to touch my hand gently. I bite my tongue to keep from gasping as he raises it slowly to his chest. My hand is directly over his heart. The rapidly beating pulse of it is absolutely amazing. He presses his hand over mine, pushing it tightly to his chest. My own heart aches with the contact and I let out a shuddered breath. He closes his eyes, swallowing before he whispers the words that I will never, in my entire life, forget.

"That night, not only did you just hold me, you also held this ... "

... Remus ...

His eyes are still closed as I lean in toward him. My mind is a whirlwind. He gasps when our lips meet. I'm so intoxicated with the feeling of his soft lips against my own and the rushed throbbing pulse of his heart on my hand. "Sirius ..." he murmurs against my lips before the pressure intensifies. We laugh in gasps of breath between fluttered kisses, our nervousness and anxiety all but a dead emotion now. I can't stop grinning like the idiot I am.

"... How ... long ..." I ask between kisses, my fingers now intertwining with his own long thin fingers. He moves his free hand to thread through my long hair, pulling me into a searing kiss before he releases us. "Since I was sixteen," he pants softly, leaning his forehead to mine. I chuckle sadly. "We've wasted so much time, ..." I say, kissing anywhere I can reach. "No matter, ... "he whispers, straddling my legs to nestle closer to me, nuzzling into my neck, "... We have now." Always the little optimist.

We sit there for a few long moments. My hand leaves his, meeting my other to the curve on the small of his back. My face is on his neck and his face is buried in my dark hair. I breathe deeply for his scent. The only noise in the room is the unison of our slow breaths. Realization and the seriousness of the situation sink into both of our hearts.

He moves lower and his feathery huffs of breath on my neck are replaced by delicate kisses, as he grows more comfortable and straightforward. He kisses up my neck, to my jaw line, and stops at my ear. "I love you Sirius, ..." he says quietly. I move to look him in the eyes, making sure that he can see how serious I was and how much I felt the same way.

Then we kiss, soft and slow. He sighs, opening his mouth to dip the wet pink tongue on my bottom lip. I reply rather quickly by opening my own to him and our tongues roll against each other's. This languid swirling is driving me insane. I just cannot believe that I'm doing this with the only person I've ever truly loved. I run my fingers through his soft hair as we continue to kiss, our breaths only sighs in each other's mouths. He breaks free from it all too soon, but continues to ravage my neck. I find myself rambling on, "I love you- Remus ... god I love you ..."

He pushes me down on my back, straddling my waist and I feel his excitement grinding into my navel. I pull him down into another spiraling kiss, my head spinning and my mind a daze. When our lungs scream for air we release and he hovers over me.

He is utterly breath taking. His eyes are dark and blazing with lust and love. Tawny hair is ruffled from me running my hands all through it as the foggy light creates a glow around him. His lips are swollen and dark from the pressure of my own. I reach up to pull him down into me again, but our attention is turned to the doorway where we hear a loud gasp.

I'm beginning to really not like Molly Weasley...

"Remus...?" She whimpers, stunned. He clears his throat and smiles. "I believe knocking was in order, Molly. It was very rude of you not to ..." he says, still with a small smile. I note pleasantly that he hasn't moved an inch off of me. She begins to stammer, her entire face redder than her hair. I bite my lip to keep from laughing aloud. He looks down upon me, raising his eyebrows, his smile broadening.

We begin to laugh.

He falls on me, burying his face into the joint of my neck laughing heartily, warm gusts of breath blowing against my ear and neck. I laugh into his hair, embracing his back with my arms. I could never have asked for such a perfect moment.

She makes a disgruntled noise from the back of her throat and storms out of the room. After a few moments we just lay in each other's arms, laughing until our stomachs hurt. I didn't understand why we were laughing anyway. The situation sure enough wasn't funny at all. Maybe the tension was so intense that it just suddenly dropped that instant.

He sits up again, wiping the tears form his eyes muttering to himself as I lay there, content in just watching him. I run my hands down his spine, rubbing the dip in the small of his back. He looks down at me again, smiling. "Now. Where were we? ..." He whispers before he leans into me, kissing my cheek.

He rubs his slight stubble against my own. The friction between us is magnificent. "Moony ..." I gasp when he nibbles on my ear. "Sirius, "he murmurs, kissing back up my cheek where he stops to whisper in my mouth, "I love you ..."

I blink slowly as soft moonbeams fall across my eyes. I start to stretch until something stops me. Remus is sleeping atop me as soundly as possible, his soft hair tousled and feathered against my bare chest. My memories return to several hours ago.

Finding the attic floor entirely too uncomfortable, we moved connected by fevered touches and kisses to my bedchamber. There, we pushed each other on the bed where we make fulfilling love so many times that we make up for at least a week. My god ... he was so strong ...

"Oh, " whispered Remus, as he woke, "... Love ..."

I pray to wake up to those hazy spoken words for the rest of my life.

He stretches his back, the lean muscles straining make me sigh with pleasure in how beautiful he is ... and that he is mine ...

He nestles closely, nuzzling my collarbone as he whispers endearments.

And I feel, for the first time in fifteen years, complete.


End file.
